Charlie Brown Winning

Does this mean I need to trademark my thoughts too? Just kidding. My cold, dead heart even laughed a little at this.
From: Peanuttweeter

Lightsabers

I know from experience that you can rule out "Save the Galaxy." That's for bleeding-heart do-gooders and rebel scum. I tried "Sell to Highest Bidder," but eBay and Amazon kept taking down my posts as an "Unsafe Listing." "Become a Ruthless Killer" seems pretty reasonable to me, but I can see how it wouldn't be for everyone.
What really strikes me is the likelihood of "Immediate, Accidental Self-Dismemberment." As Star Wars fans, you all remember me cutting Luke's hand off, and Dooku cutting mine off, but the majority of lightsaber injuries are actually accidental. I can't tell you how many insurance deductibles we had to pay from some stupid Storm Trooper seeing my lightsaber, treating it like a toy and slashing another Storm Trooper's arm off. At BBQ's, I would set my lightsaber up as a bug zapper, but inevitably, someone would have too many Arnold Palmers and stumble into it losing an ear or finger in the process. I even took a few trips to the Death Star infirmary after trying to use my lightsaber to slice a bagel before having my morning coffee. All told, this graph is probably reasonably representative, and would be more convincing if the designer hadn't done it in crayon.

From: DawgFarker

I'm Not That Impressed

"The Office of Naval Research has been working away on a suite of futuristic weapons, but it's hard to think of anything that could out-gun its free-electron laser, which by the mid 2020s, should be capable of slicing straight through 2,000 feet of steel every second."

So I toil away, homeless, alone and hungry, while the US Navy is touting the fact that they developed a weapon my Empire had years ago. In fact, long, long ago. I know the rebels stole the plans for the Death Star, but its not like we didn't have a few copies too, and as the leader of the project, I saw them a couple times. I also built a droid and a pod-racer before age 10, so I am pretty sure I could handle explaining how to build a fancy little laser that blows up planets. So US Navy, before you blow your whole budget on figuring out how to attach that giant laser to an orbiting, moon-sized space station, give me a call. I have a couple insights and I will work for cheap. Especially if you let me use the laser on weekends to settle a few scores. Coming for you Yoda.

Via