Groupon, we need to talk



Listen Groupon.  From one supreme galactic ruler to another, your story is starting to sound a little too familiar.  Humble upbringings to command immense amounts of power?  Offered to join one of the largest empires in the world only to turn them away?  I think you know what comes next.  Look, I've been there.  You probably have a kid somewhere that is telling you not to join the empire, right?  Well maybe not, but let me tell you something you might not know...things didn't turn out well for me.  Yeah you think you can do it all yourself and yeah you may be using money for a pillow, but how long can it last?  When you have an empire come along and offer you 6Bn galactc credits now may not be the time to take the moral high ground.  I mean I threw the emperor down a huge weird tube into space and where did that get me?  Unemployed with an empty soul.  Just think what I could be doing if I accepted his offer.  Ruling Ewoks, slapping Chewbacca, partying with Lando (sigh).  Tell you what I would not be doing...begging for change, but guess what?  Just do me a favor, if you have some odd back door to your headquarters that is mysteriously unguarded, maybe throw an extra storm trooper or grouptrooper or whatever you guys have back there, just sayin.  Also, when you guys go public are the shares going to be sold as a Groupon? 

xoxoxo Darth