Ask Darth

New feature here on deep thoughts called "Ask Darth".  I get literally thousands of emails from fans asking me my opinion on their issues and questions.  OK it's more like hundreds...fine I can count them on my robotic hands, but that is neither here nor there.  You send me questions, I'll send you answer...write that down.  So here we go:

Dear Darth, I've been dating my boyfriend for some time now and I want to take our relationship to the next level, how should I do it?
--Mary

Well Mary I would have to ask you what do you mean by the "next level"?  We talking bringing an Ewok into the mix or you just trying to move in together.  Need specifics people!  I can't help you if I don't know what you are talking about.


Hey DD, need to get a gift for my mom for Xmas, any ideas?
--Harold

Well ass, my mom is dead, so go eff yourself.  And, don't call me DD.  Depressed Darth, Darth or Death From Above is fine.

Darth, my father has anger issues and he has tried to hurt me multiple times.  He's kind of obsessed with this old guy at his office and I think they are in some cult.  Any advice?
--Duke Highgawker

Eff sakes Luke give it a rest I said I was sorry about your hand!  Such a whiner.

Darth, I sometimes have trouble relating to other people and don't have a lot of friends.  I feel like we have a lot in common, so I just wanted to know if you had any advice.
--Jon

No, no, we are not a lot alike.  You are a huge loser and I kill people.  Please lose my email address.


Hi Darth my name is Jamie.  I feel like I am sad all the time and...

You know what Jamie I am just going to cut you off right there b/c you are pathetic.  Jesus this is going horribly.  OK I am done for the week.  I need to head to the shelter to shake down some hobos for their belongings.  Guy named Stinky Steve keeps stealing my change cup, so I need to supplement my begging income somehow.  Looking for actual questions from viewers to spice this feature up.  The more questions I get the better this will be so send your questions to DVader3333@gmail.com.  Just remember, I don't really care.  Till next week...

xoxoxo
Darth