Worst Movie Synopsis Ever?

Quick movie review here kids. Now, let me start by saying I have never seen this movie, have not seen the trailer and will never see this movie. All I needed was to read the synopsis that was provided BY THE MOVIE STUDIO. The synopsis is in italics, my comments in bold:

Since a few decades they were watching us. (We are not off to a good start. SINCE a few decades? Yoda sounds more intelligent) Studying us. What are they? Nobody knows. Nobody but Ivan Petrenko Karkarov. The Russian physicist started to study a phenomenon which was occurring since several decades. (I think Ivan should spend some time studying the use of the word "since" instead of this phenomenon.) In 1982 he found an answer to the strange phenomenon but before he could tell anyone he mysteriously vanished. (Figures. Russians are always taking off when you need them most. Like that hot Russian military chick in "Spies Like Us". What happened to her? I'd blow up 50 Alderaans to find her.) 30 years later, in Newell Iowa, Dean Hollister seems to be a normal guy until strange radar anomalies appear throughout the world. (No one named Dean is ever a normal guy. Han had a brother Dean and the guy was a total nut case. Exposed himself to young Jedis on the regular.) All of a sudden something starts to happen at the sky, black rifts appear. (Honesty I am more interested in who wrote this than I am these rifts in the sky. "...something starts to happen at the sky." Shakespeare eat your heart out.) Behind those rifts something is moving. It's watching us. (Bam...Oscar.)

If they want a movie they should just march who ever wrote this up on screen and have him speak for an hour and a half, comedic gold. Would love to know who approved this non-sense. "No, no you can use the word since in almost any manner you like, it's like the word prego in Italian, just throw it around willy nilly." Wow, just wow. My question is how does this go to theaters, but Blue Crush 2 goes straight to dvd? It ain't right!


Just so people know I'm not kidding: The Rift

DD