Ask Darth 2

It's that time again.  Where I field some questions from my audience because I'm bored and definitely not because of any court order demanding journal entries for a drunken disorderly charge last April.  I'll never admit it was me.  Anyway, got a few questions in the mail bag today, so here it goes:

Hi, Darth. Up-and-coming genocidal warlord here. I have moments where I don't want to kill every living thing I see. You know, sometimes I see an ewok and I just want to kick it in the gut instead of [doing really weird stuff]. Is this dangerous? What can I do to prevent this?

--Zeke

Are you sure it wasn't just a big cat you saw?  Last time I checked Ewoks were still chucking rocks at a guy holding a blaster, so unless you have the power of intergalactic flight I think you are fibbing.  Either way, Zeke I think it's safe to say you are totally effed in the head.  But you know what, I like your vibe.  Not sure why, but I bet you are a guy who enjoys scotch and a nice pair of slacks, much like myself.  Party on.

Hey Death From Above,

After watching this movie, Despicable Me, I have grown an unhealthy obsession with shrink guns. I would like to ask. What's your favourite type of gun, and why?

--Abel

Well Abel I have no idea what a shrink gun is b/c cartoon movies are for chicks and kids under 12.  If you are one of those then I apologize, but you should still look at yourself in the mirror.  My favorite (notice my method of spelling as opposed to yours) gun is the one people think I'm holding when I force choke the eff out of them for calling me fat, I mean...wait...forget it.

Darth, someone tweeted the below inspirational quote that sounds like gibberish to me. Can you help me make sense of it?
"The day that you allow emotions to fuel your desire is the day you’ll turn your life around."

--@uslackr

Wow, well I guess that person is an idiot.  "Emotions to fuel your desire"?  Isn't that like saying "your ideas to fuel your thoughts"?  Just a nothing comment, right?.  Not to mention how is this supposed to turn your life around.  When has anything ever been done in a day?  I can't even clean my box in one day.  God this makes me so angry I just threw up all over myself.  Sure I am drunk, but I'm angry too.  If I were you, @uslackr I would stop all contact with this person, or at the very least start a vicious rumor about them. 

DD,

How do you poop in that suit?

Jeff Gordon

Get a life Jeff, Dupont is for chicks and you can't win a race to save your life.  If this isn't the NASCAR driver then take your coprophilia and hit the road b/c Darth plays between the lines.  No weird fetishes for me, unless you count the sand people,  but I don't.

Darth,

Thinking about wearing a cape when I go out and do errands so I feel more like a superhero and less like an average guy.  Do people respect you more when you wear a cape?

--Bono

Hmmm, that's a tough one Bonor.  Can I call you bonor?  At times the cape can be an excellent accessory, like when you are covering your face from people throwing food at you, in need of a towel while lying on the beach or pretending to fly.  But, other times it can be a nuisance.  Take for example swimming?  Just drags you down.  Starting a fire?  have you seen polyester burn?  And, don't even get me started on playing Dance, Dance Revolution.  Worst 30 seconds of my life.  Roller skiing can go either way b/c there is serious tripping in traffic threat, but sometimes it just makes you look so dynamic.  So to answer your question...maybe?

That's it for this week.  Please send in your questions to DVader3333@gmail.com and I'll do my best to provide annoying answers.  Drive fast and take chances.

xoxoxo

Darth