Ask Darth 3

  

Sorry for the delay in the Ask Darth posts. Things get a little dicey around tax time in the Vader household. Apparently you can't deduct Death Star construction materials, but somehow I still own $5.8 mill in penalties because I wasn't paying the stormtroopers. As far as I'm concerned letting those lazy bastards live was payment enough considering how useless they were. Please send questions to DVader3333@gmail.com with "Ask Darth" in the subject line. Here we go:


Dear Darth, my once great allies the Trandoshans, have turned on me and my army is having trouble taking up the responsibilities that the Trandos once had. Do you have any advice? -Elegost

This is not the way I envisioned this blog starting. Umm, what?

(Editors Note: I Googled Elegost and found out he is a lord of the rings character.  I'm trying to solve real problems and this guy is asking lord of the rings questions. Darth is getting upset and we are 1 question in...)




Vader, how do you get through the metal detector in airports? -Charles


Charlie, you are hitting on a very sensitive subject with Darth. I am all for homeland security and with my past I understand why my presence may raise an eye-brow or three, but do we really need to take apart all my limbs EVERY time I fly? I mean how many other half-human, half-robot monstrosities are out there? More than 3 and less than 10 I would say. And, let's be honest the technology that built me doesn't exactly grow on trees and I have $8.50 an hour TSA Tommy pulling me apart like I'm his new home theater system. I got news for you Tommy, Geek Squad can't fix this and I just missed my flight to Jersey. Long story short it's a problem for me and the retina eye scan thing doesn't work too well through the helmet. Until I get on some special "no security line" list I'm training it everywhere. If it's good enough for John Maddon it's good enough for Darth I always say.

DD, knee jerk reaction to Rebecca Black's climb to fame? - Christine

I think my knee jerk reaction is I quit. I just quit everything. I mean granted she is famous because people hate her, but fame is fame. Anybody that knows Darth knows there are two things I want in life: 1) Rebuild the Death Star and rule the galaxy and 2) meet Celine Dion. This little twit Rebecca Black could probably snap her fingers right now and Celine would come running. $2k of daddy's money and she makes some video with her ass auto-tuned to high heaven and some washed up old hobo rapping in the background? Honestly if that's what she sounds like WITH auto-tune the US should consider sending her to Libya. Five minutes of her shrieking and Gadhafi will call it quits for sure. You heard it here first. Celine if you are reading this, I love you.

That's it for now. Again, please send your questions to DVader3333@gmail.com with "Ask Darth" in the subject line and I will try and answer everyone's questions. Assuming I can understand them...

--DD