This is Why the Empire Fell

You people see what I am working with here? When those guys have all of their gear on, you could mistake them for a lean, mean fighting machine. This is what they really look like. Little secret, the Death Star was near bankruptcy when Luke finally put us out of our misery, mostly because we were spending $75 per day on our Stormtrooper's fast food habits. It was Tarkin's idea to put a full food court in, that guy loved Panda Express. Do you know much gasoline it takes to keep a moon sized space station with thousands of morbidly obese soldiers in orbit? After we destroyed the rebel base on Endor, our next move was going to be to attack Iraq and liberate their oil fields for Empire use. By the end, I was force choking guys because we couldn't afford to buy any more XXL Stormtrooper armor. My suggestion for this guy is to get involved in some outdoor activities, maybe go for a jog, do a couple sit-ups or take a long walk. But for god sakes, put some clothes on.